Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
January 11, 2012
April 13, 2011
Quotes of the Day
The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that
you can never know if they are genuine.
-Abraham Lincoln-
March 10, 2011
Farting at Tiffany's
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's.
He politely greets the lady with, “Good day, madam. How may we help you today?”
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”
And he answers “Madam. If you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price.”
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's.
He politely greets the lady with, “Good day, madam. How may we help you today?”
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”
And he answers “Madam. If you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price.”
February 19, 2011
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He just dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. the loser had to wear his underpants outside his pants.
Chuck Norris once peed in a truck's gas tank, that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet in 'Wanted', Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.
Chuck Norris appeared on all 6 Star Wars movies... as The Force.
Before the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He just dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. the loser had to wear his underpants outside his pants.
Chuck Norris once peed in a truck's gas tank, that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet in 'Wanted', Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.
Chuck Norris appeared on all 6 Star Wars movies... as The Force.
Before the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
September 19, 2010
Quotes of the Day
Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse.
-TallCornelius-
-TallCornelius-
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